I told my man I was bisexual.

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How does one event start this?

How does one fall in love and truly think they have found that one person they want to spend their life with? 

When I tell you I’ve been battling with this for years, I am not exaggerating. My sexuality has never been something I spent much time with, I always assumed I was straight. I’ve only ever been into guys right? Have I ever given myself a chance to feel anything else? 

My 20s have forced me to open up a lot more about myself. 17-20 I thought I was cute and knew literally everything. No one could tell me anything even if it was something that would one day save my life. I believed I was an encyclopedia full of every single answer known to man for everything. But your 20s have this weird way of giving you the illusion that you are cruising down this road called life and winning. When in reality you are one missed car payment away from being left on the side of the road with none of your belongings. I can’t tell you how many times I thought I had beat the system, how many times I thought I had gotten ahead. Each time I have been proven very wrong and humbled in some of the most humiliating ways possible. And still, I am here standing, and telling you guys that I mustered up the courage and told my man I was bisexual. PHEW!

I am very aware of the genuine confusion my followers have surrounding my love life. What I post can be very cryptic and can be taken in a handful of ways most of the time. I am really trying to get closer to writing my truth not to air out my life but to help you guys and keep you informed. If I can be honest this entire process of growth and truth has been one of the hardest things I have never gone through.

I’ve always been a planner. Every single thing I have, I have planned to some capacity. I only go with the flow when I have done enough of the work to enjoy that luxury. I was going to be married by 25 and having kids by 27, I was going to have a degree and be a nurse. My goal was to have a house in Boston, work a job that brought me happiness... and then I’m not sure. Over the last 4 years things have changed. My plan was derailed by numerous things; I fell in love, I invested myself in a job that I felt filled me, I fell in love again, I moved. And throughout it all I am grateful that I never stayed the course, that isn’t me. I’ve been working so hard just to try to get closer to me and this move has really challenged me to think about these things. I feel like I am staring at all of the things holding me back, I am being faced with all of the obstacles I have avoided. And now I finally have the strength to face them - I told my boyfriend I was bisexual. Now I just have to keep telling my truth.

xo

Jazzy RoulhacComment